Didi : Lost and Found

A historic day ; 6th January 2016

This was the last picture taken a few hours before she went missing

A chaos visit to Mesra Pet Shop, Taman Melawati at 1.07pm, Wednesday :

It was a hot sunny day on a wednesday just like the other days in Malaysia. I had to run a few errands before I took my cat, Didi to the vet. She has been showing mood swings like losing her appetite, hate to be around my family and i, shaking constantly and coarsely meow. So i thought it's time to bring her to the vet for the first time after 6 years. Her first visit was when she's a cute little baby. Having the lack of experience, not having a pet carrier, i put her in a open box (i know it's stupid) and put her at the backseat, i hold her while my sister was driving. In front of the vet, as i was carrying her to the door, she wobbled around and scratched me until i bleed. She then ran away and crossed the streets, she was lightning fast, i just couldn't keep up cause she made it to the other side.

Finding Didi :

So i put the box in front of the vet, it's still there lol. Then i went back home with my sister and told my mom. My mom and i went to find Didi under the hot weather around our neighbourhood. Calling her name out, meowing as if im a big cat, cause she crossed the road where there's a lot of cars near the school's traffic light area. But it turned out to be in vain, so we went back tiredly. I went back up to my room and slept.

Didi's mystery comeback :

After we went for grocery shopping, i was feeding my other cat, a siamese breed male, Jojo. Out of a sudden, Didi appeared from the back gate and looking around for food. I screamed my lungs out, out of gratefulness, alhamdulillah ya Allah. I gave her food, both dry and wet food, but she still refused to eat.

Didi's mysterious comeback! 

A second successful visit to Mesra Pet Shop, Taman Melawati at 7pm :

As i was worried that she's still moody and such, I borrowed a pet carrier from my friend Irfanah Imnaz, so nice of her! Thank you Irfyy, Didi was safe and sound all the way to the vet cause of the secure carrier hehe. As the vet is only located behind our housing area, we decided to walk and carry the fat drama cat.

The diagnosed:

In the vet, after registering, the Dr checked her temperature, but she said she was fine, her temperature is normal. But i know for a moment that her behaviour at home has been changing a lot lately, she gets so moody if i came nearby, she kept on shaking and refused to eat. The Dr said Didi was diagnosed more to anxiety and feeling scared, the reason why she kept on shaking and clump her claws on. I have always let Didi be free outside, so she might be attacked by the other cats, including Jojo or other things that she's scared of. The Dr fed wet food to Didi using a syringe cause she was still refusing to eat. I requested for an anti-flee treatment for Didi. Lastly, she was given a vitamin to help her gain her appetite and reduce stress.

Appreciation post :

To everyone who helped me retweet Didi's pictures and spread the awareness, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. To those who helped me repost on instagram and helped spread the news, thank you too. Now i clearly see and understand the meaning of "the power of social media"

Didi's latest update :

Didi is now slowly recovering, the vitamin really helped her to gain her appetite, she has stopped shaking from what i can see. I groom her everyday now, like i comb her fur. She is so much happier now, and that makes me even much more happier!

Thank you everyone for reading this special post about Didi! I wish you guys had fun reading this post, until next time :D

2016 Resolution

Hey 2016! I can't believe a year has passed and I'm a year older now. Im sure everyone has their new year resolution listed to a start of a new beginning, so here's my top 10 new year resolutions :

1. To be closer to god ; Having the golden opportunity to perform umrah with my family last year has widen my eyes, mind and heart on the truth of the Quran and all the teachings and sunnah from our beloved prophet Muhd saw (peace be upon him) 
2. To be a better daughter ; I am aware of my parents' age and i need to perform better in my studies and to clean the house always, the least i could do to repay them.
3. To control my anxiety better ; Some days my anxiety won, some days i won. But it's always a tough battle between us.
4. To give and to forgive more ; The giving hands are better than the receiving hands. A peaceful heart is always a warm feeling. 
5. To blog more ; I need to be on track, i've been missing for months and to start blogging again gave me a heavy feeling. 
6. To study harder and smarter ; I have been slacking off lately and it had affected my grades. I hope to always be patience with studying and to develop an eager enjoyment to learn more. 
7. To spend less ; I am grateful for all the rezeki god has given to me. I need to be aware that not everyone is fortunate, including the environment i live in. Spending less could at least save me from the whispers of lust.
8. To take care of my skin better ;  I have been stressing out here and there due to college, and it causes my skin to grow a lot more pimples. I'm using Clinique to treat my skin better! I am new to Clinique but so far so good.
9. To start working out ; This was my 2015 resolution, but i find it very hard to keep up. I tried a few routine for a week and failed miserably. In need to loosen those chubby cheeks!
10. To start my beauty blog and youtube channel ; I started my makeup channel on youtube last year but deleted all the videos because i wasn't fully equipped. 

Okay guys that's it! These are my 2016 resolutions, so far i have in mind. Comment below on your New Year resolutions, I'm so excited to read all of them. Happy new year to you readers, and thank you for stopping by :* 

Anxiety and Depression

Never knew i would fall into these two categories. I was always a bubbly little girl even until the early days of high school, never have i imagined to be anxious and depressed until i turned 16, and it continues until now. First I stress out on unnecessary thoughts, then it ball up to anxiety, and finally depression curl up. It's a mental health, and no that doesn't mean i lost my sanity or im suddenly crazy. You see, how is that possible that physical health worries people but mental health scares them. Mental health is severe, it could have affected your physical health.

Anxiety. A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks. In my case, it's hard to find the roots to anxiety, sometimes it came and simply triggers the uneasiness feelings, where I can't explain why i feel this certain way and it continues by ruining my daily routine. I can't sleep, i can't sit still, feeling suffocated, i don't feel like talking to anyone i know near me, i can't simply express words and thoughts properly,i lost focus in class, i don't know what i learn in class (even the simplest matter). All i want to do is to be isolated from the world, from everyone. I just want to hide my fear away and never talk. Those feelings won't wash away by themselves unless you deal with it, you do something with it. For me, i have always been confused with how it attacked me, but i know i need to find the roots, at least closest to why i feel stressed out until i isolate myself from the world. After solving my problems, suddenly depression came. I will feel depressed because i did not handle my anxiety well and chose to run away from it to be okay. Feeling depressed in a couple of weeks, one to two weeks. This is how it usually run. I will blame myself for letting anxiety conquer me and wishing i could be stronger. Feeling depressed cause i was always stubborn to reach out for help ; both modern and traditional, both involving science and spiritual beliefs. Feeling sad that i can't progress in the same pace as my friends when it comes to education.

During the depression mode, at some point, i will pick myself up, my faith usually save me. Because i believe if we fall, we are responsible to get back up on our knees. I will whisper to myself, to my own thoughts, a voice saying that this is just a test, a test that god wants to see how far you can go before returning to him. My heart will beat with a saying that this universe is so huge that a lot of people suffer too, we all suffer in different ways. Be strong for yourself, be grateful that you believe in your religion, be grateful that you have a supportive family, be grateful that you still have a shelter. Gradually all these thought will save me, because no one knows,in no time they could be taken away from you, lord knows.

But the conclusion is, i am not sure when this struggle will end. I want to be free from anxiety . I want to be independent, i want to see myself stable under pressure. I need to be wiser in decision making, i have to trust myself that i am good at something, and i just hope that the patience i have now is sufficient enough to keep me going. In the future, in hope that i make it, i will look back at this post, smiling and wishing to help out to those who still suffer and share my journey towards certainty. Remember, “Just because I can’t explain the feelings causing my anxiety, doesn’t make them less valid.” — Lauren Elizabeth

Living with anxiety

Life is for the living, but mine is living with anxiety. Do you realise how easy it was when we were kids? Everything seemed so smooth and well planned, but as we grow, we understand life has a meaning with the amount of efforts we put in. In my journey, I stumbled across anxiety, and the battle has long started.

Let's go to the phase where we feel worthless. Worthless because we never finish what we started, we give up before we try and we never solve our problems. These thoughts, they do come and pass by sometimes. They came and visit us to see how strong we are. In my religion, this could be considered a test, god is giving signals to turn back to him, he wants to see if this chosen one could get up and pray harder or fall apart and turn away from his beliefs. In this moment, we need to pause and reflect. Just stop for a while and think for yourself, is giving up really an option? or is it just a path to run away from the solutions?  It's hard, I know it is, I've been there, and still am struggling, the hardest part is, no one understands what I am going through, this battle, as lonely as it feels, as tough as it is for me, I know Im not alone, I know because I reached out for help. Honestly, writing is meditating for me. When I write, I reflect. Reflection upon my journey will be reached out to my readers, might as well for those who feels alone in battling with anxiety.

I have always wished to be normal, normal here means to live without the fear of facing anxiety. I am currently reading a book by Rollo May "The meaning of anxiety" and hoping this book will be able to surpass the confusion and fear I have upon facing anxiety. It's even harder for me when the ones you trust the most demotivate you. I have not find a proper solution to this battle, but I want you to know that you are not alone. If possible, do reach out for help, fix your relationship with god, pray a little harder. These baby steps could at least help you to lower down your anxiety. I have always been a stubborn girl to not seek for help. Isolating myself has been a common action upon this battle. Sometimes it's full of rage and Im upset that I have to deal with it. I just want to let my family and friends know, this struggle is real, at times, you'll see how bad I fall, how stubborn and stupid I am, and you might think Im just letting my feelings and emotions control me, but it's beyond that, you don't understand what it's like to live with what has been a part of you.

A close friend of mine said "Everyone has their own battles, just because yours is different than theirs, doesn't mean it's silly" Behind those smiles, I know everyone is battling with something, regardless of categories. I know we all have been struggling, and as easy it is for some people to get up, some of us kept on falling. So Im telling myself, to be strong, when anxiety attacks, I need to pause and breathe. I have to reach out for help and to never isolate myself. You don't understand my battle and it really is okay. We live in the century of psychology, but Im going through the age of anxiety.

Trip to Jordan 2015

Hey readers!On my semester break, I went to Jordan to visit my sister along with my mother and brother. We arrived at Queen Alia international airport on Monday, 8th of June at 5 am local time, we waited for my sister and her friend, Kak Fiza to pick us up. The wind in the morning was so chilling and it reminded me of London. My sister's place is in Irbid, around an hour and a half from the airport. We were so jet lagged and we took the day off to rest.

9th of June

The following day,we went to a few places such as Tomb of Nabi Yusha',The Dead Sea, Al-Kahf, Downtown Amman and Tomb of Nabi Shuib As.

I never knew about Prophet Yusha' until I went to Jordan, as he is not one of the 25 prophets i learnt back in school. He is a Prophet who was very close to Musa (upon him be peace) and took his place as the leader of the Banis Israil after his death. Prophet Yusha' also prayed to Allah to hold the sun from setting when they were about to take the city of Jerusalem on Friday at Asar time.

The tomb of Nabi Yusha' is situated in the city of Al-Salt

This is the tomb of Prophet Yusha' (upon him be peace)

The Dead Sea 

Then we continued our journey to The Dead Sea, a historic place where Allah punished those who disobeyed Prophet Lut's warning. 

It was really hot there, we only spent only around 15 minutes to witness the truth behind the holy Quran. We had to pay around 20 JD per person unless if u're a student studying in Jordan like my sister, you'll get a discount. 

The Dead Sea- Palestine is said to be across this sea

Al-Kahf

After the dead sea, we visited Al-Kahf in Amman. Al-kahf itself is one of the surah in our holy Quran,it's about a number of young men seeking for refuge in the cave of Ashabe-Kahf to avoid from being persecuted for their beliefs. They prayed to Allah and found themselves fell asleep for 309 years. 

In front of the historic cave of Ashabe-Kahf 

The tombs 

Some artifacts 

Inside is the bones from one of the tombs inside the cave

The mosque near Ashabe-Kahf 

I felt so happy after visiting Ashabe-Kahf as it reminds me to be more faithful. It's the truth what Allah said in surah Al-Kahf. No lies but truth. No doubt.

Downtown Amman 

We went to downtown Amman to eat and to shop some abayas.

Yassir, the driver suggested this restaurant which has been more than 60 years. We had some arab breads for appetizer, rice and chicken and kinafah sweets for dessert. Then we went shopping.

Tomb of Nabi Shuib As

The last stop for that day was the tomb of Prophet Shuib As (upon him be peace)

Outside the tomb of Prophet Shuib As 

In front of the tomb of Prophet Shuib As

10th of June- We took the whole day to rest

11th of June - We went to Umm Qais to visit the Yarmouk battle site, the ruins of the Greek-Roman city of Gadara which lead to a breathtaking view of the Lake of Tiberias and lastly the tombs of Muadh bin Jabal and his son's Abdul Rahman ibn Muadh ibn Jabal (upon them be peace)

Yarmouk battle site - This is one of my favourite place in Jordan. It was so breathtaking and mesmerising. It is also one of the historic place where the great Khalid bin Al-Walid lead the muslim army in the Yarmouk battle.

The breathtaking view of Umm Qais

Khalid bin Al-walid's sword monument

The ruins of the Greek-roman

Our next stop was still close nearby Umm Qais which was the ruins of the Greek-Roman city of Gadara. The view was so beautiful and breathtaking. Here, you are recommended to wear sport shoes because the surface of the hill is rough and full of rocks. You have to pay to see the view, but don't worry it's quite cheap for a view to kill. Our main purpose was to see the Sea of Galilee or also known by the name Lake Tiberias and "Tasik Tobari" in malay. In Islam, I was understood by my sisters' friends which they referred to a hadith by our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who narrated a story about Tamim Ad Dhari. Dajjal questioned Tamim Ad Dhari whether the Sea of Galilee/Lake Tiberias had water or not, once he confirmed yes, Dajjal then replied "Soon it will become dry". Once Lake Tiberias dries up, Prophet Isa will return and kill Dajjal. 

This is as close as we can get to the view of Lake Tiberias, it lies behind those mountains

This is the roman shops along the cardo

This is the door of the roman's theatre 

But it was under construction so we could not get in

This is what the road to the view of Lake Tiberias looks like 

This is where we stopped to see Lake Tiberias from afar

Behind those mist lies Lake Tiberias

Tombs of Muadh bin Jabal (upon him be peace) and his son.

The tomb of Muadh bin Jabal (upon him be peace)

The tomb of his son ; Abdul Rahman ibn Muadh ibn Jabal (upon him be peace)

12th of July

My dad arrived in Jordan at midnight from Mecca. So the next morning we stayed at my sister's place and had an evening walk around Irbid to have some ice creams and coffee. We also walk around to look for dates and nuts.

yummy!

13th of June

We walked to Arabella mall to buy some abayas, dates and nuts. We bought so many stuffs that we had to take a cab back come. That evening, father went back to Mecca as he has to work on Sunday.

14th of June

Nothing much,just resting for the whole day.

15th of June

I visited Jordan University of Technology and Science (JUST) This is my sister's university where she's taking dentistry. My sister's friend, also her coursemate accompanied me here, her name is Kak Laila, thank you so much for your time, it was a great tour! We went to the lecture hall for medicine students and sat next to Kak Anis. Medicine students are the only ones on campus as the others are on holidays. The lecture for that day was about behavioural change, it was quite logical, but i don't get it when the lecturer starts explaining in arabic.

This is what JUST looks like, i did not take any photos of myself there cause i was quite shy, well i regret it now.

That evening Kak Aliah (my sister's housemate) and Kak Anis brought Anas and i around Irbid to eat crepello. Oh crepello is similar to dip&dip. We bought some syawarma and zinger which is a must have if u're in Jordan told by Kak Anis. Such a sweetheart, thank you for your time Kak Anis and Kak Aliah, i really do appreciate it! 

To my right is Kak Anis and to my left is Kak Aliah :)

Once we got home, we were busy packing and preparing to leave. Our flight is at 2.50am on 15th of June. So I guess that's it from me, thanks for your time, until my next post!

MUFY Sem 1 Survival Kit

Hey readers, finals is done!

This post is all about surviving MUFY or so called "Monash University Foundation Year" MUFY is all about consistency, if you are very hardworking,determined and focus, you're good enough. Trust me, even if you did not do well for spm, if you are consistent, surely you'll get 4 HDs. Oh by the way that is our grading system from Fail, <50, Pass 50-59, Credits 60-69, Distinction 70-79 and High Distinction 80-100.

So a little bit of story, I am very lazy like there's no space for  being hardworking there. So I am screwed la. haha. MUFY is a combination of internal (assignments & assessments) and external (finals) It depends on the subjects you chose. Some is 50%-50%(Economics),30%-70% (Maths) ,70%-30% (usually english) or even 60%-40% (Globalisation). These are my subjects combo, so it differs from one person to another. After orientation, we were given around 2 weeks to add or drop any subjects before making it permanent. So i made a mistake from changing fundamental maths to maths, my course do not require any sort of maths. Im going for Bachelor of Journalism.  But i was hungry for knowledge, so i chose maths. Fund maths is spm maths, like form 1-3 plus a bit of form 4+5 maths,yeap not even add maths,okay maybe a tiny bit. So i chose maths cause i got to learn new things which is true. But for assessments, test 1-3 i kept on failing, seriously, not even half of 100. I was late when i changed to maths. The lecturer was very fast when she was teaching, i didn't even finish digesting and she went on teaching other things.

If you are planning to take science, please make sure and consult an advisor whether or not your degree requires any chemistry, trust me guys, chemistry in MUFY, for external is just hard, even if you score 100% for internal, passing is not a guarantee for your external, biology is the easiest in the course followed by physics (my fav during spm)

So please be consistent, i didn't do her homework, so the next day when they were discussing about it, i was so lost. So lessons learnt, do your homework so you can digest what she taught, not went home and slept all day long without feeling guilty. For economics, i aimed D or HD for finals, but i was very lazy, so i screwed my internal, i got very low, less than 50 upon 100. So i thought i could pull off my external, the day before my test for globalisation and economics, oh god it had to be 2 big papers on the same day. I studied globes before so i focused on econs, i read chapter 5 ; Market Structure, but none of it came out you know!! Not even the graphs which i redraw and memorised, when finals came, the answers were simple but the questions were so confusing that i doubt if i could pass,yes i think i might have failed, but i kept on praying. For globes, you just need to focus what Ms Uma said in class (the only globes lecturer) such a sweetheart, i love her too much. Write down all the notes she gave and read the articles which she will give in abundance later on, and highlight all the things she said, once you're home just reread, you will remember for a lifetime.

There will be a placement test for english and maths before you register for the subjects. So in english, what was not fair to me is, the weaker class got an easy-going lecturer,the weaker ones scored their internal without trying so hard. While us, the advanced english class had a strict lecturer, whoever didn't do her homework, surely you'll be marked. My team prepared for a presentation so well and she gave us low marks because of our weak contents. So i did okay-okay only for my internal for english, tho i expected like 65/70. In english, just do the homeworks and be consistent because it carries a lot, 70% to be added to 30% to your external. If your batch is the unlucky ones, your english paper could be really tough! Ours this sem came out about celebrities, oh dear my go-to gossip daily.

For maths, it's even worse, the geniuses were gathered in a class and got the best among the best lecturer, while the weakest were compiled in a class and got the average lecturer, they should have mixed the geniuses and the weakest in a class, then only we can exchange knowledge, knowledge is half a war and very powerful. Thank god, sem 2 is a whole different level.

Don't worry,MUFY is a fun course! You get to mix around with the locals and international students from all over the globe, i have friends from Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Maldives, Russia, Taiwan, Korea, China, India and lots more! So put aside the racism and be open minded, here no one will be judged from what you wear to where you came from. Because ur friends, if you found the right one will always help you. For me, a night before maths' finals, my friends, Jiawei, Jen, Kok Leong, they all helped me with maths, cause it's my weakest subject, and they are the top scorers for maths. They got an average score of 90++ for their internal! So amazing, and they were so helpful you know, everything that i did not understand, but with their help and explanation, i think i just scored my external. I did everything for external which was a miracle. During my topic tests, i failed. Only until the last topic test, i finally passed. 53. Literally passed, but then when trial maths came in, there it goes, i failed again. But the message here is to never give up! The word "give up" itself sounds stupid. Besides everyone said maths 2 is easier.

I suggest you guys to stay around campus, Sunway offers apartment, which is a minute walk from campus but they don't have air-cond there. Second, Sun-u residence, 5 minutes walk, u can choose if u want to stay in an air-conditioner residence or not. Lastly they have SMR (Sunway Monash Residence),20 minutes walk, it's a bit pricy but also very settle. They said it's ghostly and the internet there sucks, but i don't know cause i am not a resident there. Btw, i stayed in the apartment for the first sem, it started out fine, but when finals came in a month, the aparment got so hot and i kept on waking up at 3am every night sweating, then i had to sleep on the floor, open all the windows and the door. Yeap just to get some air, you can't cook here, neither do in sun-u, but im not sure about SMR. Btw, you can break the rules by just bringin induction cooker, lol we're students we need to save some money sometimes right?!

Btw, around campus, there's endless coffee shops, from selfie coffee to garage 51,there is burger lab,pink house restaurant, rock cafe (i went here countless of times cause it's cheap) So don't worry,if you want to stay near campus, you will survive by eating a lot of food haha.

Join MUFY, with a vow to be consistent, that's all you need to keep on going, any enquiries please leave your comments below :D

Dear friend, don't you worry

Dearest friend,

Don't be sad that your plans did not go as u expected. I know it hurts that ur first love did not work out, like i said, guys sometimes are bricks u can't break, codes u can't crack. You are so much more than what u think u are now. Surely someone else is looking at you and thought "oh how i wish i have what she has" Remember to always put god first, we are girls, will always be surrounded with our pms and the endless rollercoasters.  Heartbreaks? They are meant to teach us a lesson, and if u won't learn from it, it keeps on hitting. You know what u did was the right thing, maybe u are indenial about it, but our decisions in life have always been full of doubts. But if we did not try, then how will we ever know?

Don't worry, be happy. Surely he has a lot going on, but u also need to remember that who is the greatest planner among all? He is, no doubt. If u think ur ex did not put any mercy on you, who is the most merciful after all? He is, Allah, the most forgiving. So give it a try, have a little faith in yourself, be strong, i know u are. Don't let him break you, never let anyone break u. You are not meant to be broken. If he kept on bugging you tho he isn't. I am here for you, will always be. I am a medium he won't be able to bypass. Afterall, who is he really? Does he know what we went through after years of friendship? He is glad that you have someone, someone which is me. Be grateful, we do not know what he went through and we can't kept on judging him.

I have never been this mad over a stranger that had break u my friend. I am seriously mad, how could he say such things about our friendship? Really? He claims he is a joker. I tell you, he is a comedian, he is meant to make the world laugh, and it keeps on playing tho the world is sleeping, who in the right mind will think that the world is at peace? We are humans, full of dramas, if movies are not dramatic enough, our lives surely are. Dear friend, you need to be strong, you have so much ahead of you, your life soon will be colored.

I want you to know that through storms and thunders, i will always look after you, thanks to the advancement of technology, distance isn't felt that far. I want you to fix your nawaitu (intentions), reflect on why u came to study at the first place. Be careful for what u wish for, as it might turn out to be the greatest regrets in ur life. You know my story dear friend, you need to learn from me as well, tho i had never been into a real relationship recently, i know how it feels, i want u to know that i feel u, i hate to see ur heartbreak, as i've been there too.

The hardest part of this is leaving you, or you leaving me, you know we will be in different parts of the world by next year. I can no longer drive to ur place and say "hey im here,get out NOW!!!!" So what i want you to know is, there are people who truly loves you. You know who they are, and i am one of them. Chin up, sometimes u need to trust that time is the best healer, after all, u need patience. Walk with ur head high up but stay humble. Don't you worry, this is life, if it's not dramatic, it would have been so dull. One day you will look back at this moment, and think that "oh i was stupid,well that was funny" Forgive yourself before u forgive others, let go of the pain, it will you let u go too, don't feel bad that i am involved in this, i like it somehow, it gives me a wide view of how weird and odd people could be as sometimes i am odd too.

Dear friend, don't you worry,

I love you,
Sarah.