I can safely say after multiple failed attempts of trying to establish a long term relationship; I have finally found the love i deserve.
This is my story,
Have you ever met that one person, that one special someone, unlike any other you've crossed path with? As this story is mine to tell, i assure you, everyone or at least most of us have. It all began in 2015, when i acquired my first heartbreak. The year i met this beautiful soul was also the year i realised that love is never easy. Love comes with risk, and that is the price you'll bear. Hence the saying "what is love without risk?" "without pain?" "without heartbreaks". Suddenly it all makes sense, it can only make sense when you yourself experience these miseries. Only then you are able to connect the dots, the blurred doted lines of your love life journey.
When i first met this guy, things were never easy on either of us. Let's just say i met the right guy (i hope) at the wrong time. But i never gave up on him somehow. Have you ever had a rough year? I guess he was having his, but he never once told me about his hardship. I wanted to see the best there was in him but he had his walls that i couldn't climb and i'm telling you, i gave all i had to reach his roof. Somehow, all those repressed emotions backfire. I became that person he hates, the "friend" he couldn't rely on, the person that is better off without him. Never once i thought my presence could harm someone's existence or identity, but he proved me wrong. I was all in all, toxic.
And i've emphasized earlier on how i never gave up on him. He is my love at first sight. It wasn't that long ago that we had those constant arguments, one fight after another until the bond was lose enough to break. We eventually lost each other, it didn't matter whether we lost ourselves as friends or potential lovers. But all i know was that; we lost what we lost and we both felt it with sorrow. The arguments we had were personal, it isn't fair for him if i choose to disclose on this matter. Anyway, that went on for 3 years. 3 years of fragile communication, 3 years of downs more than ups. Surprisingly, we only saw the silver lining when we thought we're closing the chapter of us.
The Silver Lining
During the middle to end of 2017, which indicate our full 3 years of "friend-love-hateship", we both were dating someone else. It didn't matter who we dated, but it was a good distraction for both of us. This is not the rebound case, this is the case where we were strong enough to forsake the love we thought we deserve. We both were doing good, it's just that we didn't bother to check on each other. We could still check on our social media platforms for updates but emptiness was greatly felt. All i know is, my heart no longer longs for what it used to desire. Metaphorically, when you no longer water your flowers, they'll wilt and eventually die. Just like how love is, you need to water love with different elements and only then you can love better.
The Twist
As we were approaching the end of 2017, suddenly things switched. We realised that we miss each other. As we admitted that no one knows him better than i do and no one's presence is as calming as his. But at that time, only distance woke us up, he was approximately 5179 miles away from me, from home. We realised that we aren't happy with who we were with at that moment. We were just too ego to admit the truth. All in a sudden, a casual reply to his story changed us with no hidden agenda or intention of becoming lovers. It was just meant to be.
Conclusion
We are now going strong, it's beautiful how we bond these days by trusting each other. We ask and never assume. We encourage positive behaviour, we prioritise our family. It took us so much practice, like i said, love at your own risk. Everyone has their own story, but your partner is human too, give him space, let your partner grow for the better of all. At the same time, focus on improving yourself in all aspects of life.
And to whom i dedicate this post to, i hope you know your worth is beyond measure. I hope you know that you are the best part of us. I hope you know that you are not broken but loved, i hope you know that life comes with different colours, not necessarily navy blue. I hope you know that your colour is green, as your presence is enough to calm my anxiety. I hope you continue learning to love yourself first and then only to love others. Most importantly, i hope you know how much i truly, fiercely, love you.
